• Having lots of money
  • I feel like I could allocate money so well, that I’ve done quite a good job with the resources that I have.
    • Implies I should just, try to go and make this legible, and raise a bunch more money to fund stuff
    • I think maybe I also resent the feeling of needing help from others, the feeling of being weak, being unable to fund it straight out of my own pocket. I like helping others and dislike needing to be helped.
      • (It seems like I should view fundraising as providing an opportunity, to allow people to steward their money and earn a share of my own efforts.)
• Doing things quickly, exceeding expectations, succeeding hugely despite being young
  • Growing up, I took some pride at being young and smart, having skipped a grade, doing well in school, finishing things faster than expected
  • I still have some of this (eg marrying, having children earlier than most in my generation). But I wonder if it’s still a useful or true identity to hold on to at 30.
• “Winning”
• The ability to write really well
  • Scott Alexander and Paul Graham are the classic examples here
  • Cate Hall, lately
  • (how much of this is “writing well” vs “having good ideas”?)
• Deep technical coding ability, paired with the ability to clearly articulate their thinking
  • Quick shoutouts: Evan You of Vite; Eric Zhang of Modal; Tristan Hume of Anthropic; Evan Wallace of Figma; Jarred Sumner of Bun
• An ability to stay obsessed with a single topic
  • I love reading through something like SMBC, which has archives going back decades — you can see how the quality of Zach’s art and jokes have improved over time
• Freedom from obligations
  • Especially as I get older and “grow my network” — a network or reputation is a double-edged sword
• Being able to speak well in public, tell stories and jokes
  • This is less “I want to be the life of the party” and more “I’m often in situations where I’m organizing a large group of people, and being able to entertain them seems instrumentally useful”
• First-principles thinking, deriving ideas and strategy based on the fundamentals of economics and physics
  • Elon Musk is the ur-example here
  • Casey Handmer for eg proposing ways to do desalination megaprojects
  • Sam Black for inventing new Magic draft archetypes and strategies
• Killer design aesthetic
  • In many things (eg space layout, fashion) I consider myself pretty aesthetic-blind.
  • I do have some taste for websites, I think, developed from years and years of staring at them and making tweaks
• Being taken seriously by others I admire
• Lovingness, goodness, warmth, kindness, wholesomeness?
  • Some characteristics:
    • At a party, while everyone else is debating in high spirits, she is quietly cleaning up a spill she did not make
    • Says hi to strangers and tries to help them have a good time
    • Understated competence, humility
  • Scott Alexander is a good example here, eg giving away a kidney
  • I wrote these traits down because I feel like I ought to admire this, that it would be good to emulate this, that I would endorse becoming more like this. But… these don’t draw my eye the way the other traits above do. I’d like to change this about myself.

What don’t I admire or envy, that others might?

• Happiness… (usually)
  • Maybe: I’m a pretty happy person most of the time
• Friendships, having people to talk to
  • Maybe: my need for people to converse with is quite low; I get a lot out of being alone, or a lot out of reading
• Similarly: having a lot of followers
• Nice things, fancy vacations, fun experiences?